Melancholia is defined as a feeling of great sadness. It’s an old fashioned word but, interestingly, and maybe worryingly, one that seems to have been coming back into fashion in recent times. It’s 2021 and over the last year, I’m sure everyone reading this has experienced their own forms of melancholia, in some form or another, big or small. Whether that’s having your normal routines taken away from you, being cut off from friends or family during lockdown, business and financial worries, relationship struggles the list goes on. Whatever the cause I think we can all agree that it’s been a difficult time. We’ve all had to find ways of dealing with these feelings and everyone, I’m sure, has different methods that work for them. For me, my therapy comes in the form of creating. So, with a little inspiration from one of my favourite photographers, I got my head down and started to create in an attempt to address some of my own feelings of melancholia.

A lot happened in the last year and I was feeling all sorts of emotions at the time of this project. I was angry, frustrated, sad, hurt, confused and definitely feeling uninspired. I needed another project to get my teeth into but as with anyone in a slump, I needed a kick into action. That kick came in the form of a few replies to my DMs from world-famous photographer Rankin (https://rankin.co.uk/) on social media. Rankin shared loads of great advice and it was kind of him to take the time to reply. I think he even gave the CNL Instagram account a follow. But, the main bit of advice that I took away from our brief interaction was to shoot what you feel!

During lockdown, Rankin had started shooting a series of still-life images of flowers which has now been turned into a book called Embrace. They’re beautiful. I used this as my inspiration and decided that I’d explore some still life photography and see what I could create. I’m not sure it was in my mind to create something beautiful and with Rankins advice of ‘shoot what you feel’ ringing in my ears, well… I guess I felt more like destroying something beautiful.

Instead of an underground fight club though, I went to the florist haha. Much less dramatic I know but trust me the way I was feeling the sentiment felt similar. As I’ve already said I was angry, hurt, sad and generally pissed off at the world. A horrible break up during lockdown can do that to you!

Anyway, the florist got me a bunch of beautiful white roses. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was going to destroy them all. I’ve always associated white roses with death or remembrance so they seemed like the obvious choice for a project where I explore some of the feelings associated with the end of my relationship.

DESTROYING SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

I don’t know about you but I feel there’s something cathartic about destruction but channelling that destruction into something new and hopefully more positive. I did a lot of experimenting with the shots. Shooting from their early stages, fresh from the florist and as the roses began to change, grow and then eventually die.

I’ve included some of the shots from the project below. They’re a little dark but just remember this is my way of expressing myself and dealing with some of that sadness I spoke about. I’m ok I promise!

Words have power and some words hurt more than others. Hearing them or reading them about yourself can leave an indelible mark on you that can last a long time. The words scratched on to the petal of the rose that will eventually die and fall from the plant but will leave behind the faint markings of those powerful words on the petals below.

Time changes everything. Without the right care and attention, even something that was once beautiful will wither and die. The question is whether or not you can still find or see the beauty in something so changed from what it once was. Sometimes you have to look a little closer to see the intricate detail and beauty in everything.

If you leave something smouldering, unattended then don’t be surprised when it ignites into flames destroying everything you once knew and leaving nothing but some beautiful remains.

Deep again I know but there are some important lessons in all of this that I have to take away in order to move forward. That’s why this process of creating is always so cathartic for me and really helps in processing some of that melancholia I was feeling at the time.

Some of the images I created are actually really beautiful despite essentially being about destruction and decay. This leads me nicely on to, by far, my favourite images of the whole white rose study and the set of images that inspired the title…

MELANCHOLIA

Remember earlier when I told you about the word melancholia? The seemingly old fashioned word that was making a bit of a comeback in more recent times. Well, I wasn’t kidding! The wonders of Google. Since the mid-1980s it’s gradually been on the rise. Not quite the levels of the 1900s but interesting stats. A word used to describe a feeling of great sadness is becoming more common again? What does that say about modern society? I’m just saying! But, I’ll leave that one up to you to mull over!

Anyway, back to my favourite set of images from this shoot and where the inspiration came from. So, here’s a bit of a history lesson for you that I learnt from a little light reading. Don’t fact check me too much, please!

Back in Ancient Greece doctors believed that every health complaint in the human body was due to an excess or deficiency in one of four bodily fluids: black bile, yellow bile, phlegm or blood. Nice! The Romans then took it a step further and decided that these liquids corresponded to the temperament of a person.

If you were an Ancient Roman and you were feeling depressed, or melancholic, that was said to be down to an overload of black bile in your body. The word melancholia comes via Latin from the ancient Greek words melas and kholé which literally meant black bile.

Not the most scientific by today’s standards but it gave me an idea of how to try and express some of my own feelings and represent the stages of melancholia and the consuming power that it can have if you aren’t careful.

Symbolic. Something starting out so beautiful and then slowly being consumed by creeping melancholia or ‘black bile’ until it’s nothing like the thing it once was!

I just want to reiterate the fact that I know the blog posts recently have been a little dark but as I’ve said, I use creativity as therapy and as a cathartic process. Yes, it’s all quite personal and may even be disturbing for some of the people that know me to see these darker elements. But, for me, it’s a case of it’s better to create and try to process these thoughts in that way than to isolate myself and not confront some of these demons or feelings I’ve had, head-on. We’re all different and deal with things in different ways and you have to find what works for you. This is just what works for me.

We will all interpret a subject in different ways and from our own specific viewpoints and I actually found myself really enjoying shooting these still life shots and they definitely helped me in processing some ‘stuff’. Massive thank you to Rankin for taking the time to reply to my messages for the inspiration in the subject matter and general kick back in the right direction.

More importantly though thanks, as always, to you for taking the time to read my ramblings and checking out the work here in Creative Nowhere Land. I’m slowly getting back to finding more of a routine in not only posting to the blog but also in creating. I’m feeling the buzz again and hopefully, now my life is a little calmer things can start to evolve again and who knows where Creative Nowhere Land will take us in these hopefully brighter times.

Until next time folks! Thanks again for sticking with me!