BURNOUT
Are you exhausted? Emotionally, physically and mentally? Have you lost all motivation and can’t seem to get it back? I know this sounds like the start of one of those awful American infomercials that’s about to try and sell you some wonder drug cure but, stay with me, it’s not… Burnout! It’s one of the buzzwords of the moment and now, unfortunately, I understand why. I burnt out! So, what’s burnout? How’s it impacted me? And what can you do to try and reset and reignite some fire?
WHAT’S BURNOUT?
Easier to let people much wiser than me explain this one…
“‘Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest and motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place. Burnout reduces productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. Eventually, you may feel like you have nothing more to give.”
Sound familiar? Are you reading that and recognising any of those feelings in yourself? I really hope not but, it’s exactly how I felt and still feel at the moment. It’s tough to admit as someone who’s always, in the eyes of others at least, ‘had my shit together’ but realistically, how many of us have our shit together? What I will say is that I’m doing my best to come back from everything that’s happened stronger, more resilient and, hopefully, a little more equipped to be able to recognise the signs of burn out in the future.
SO, WHAT CAUSED IT?
Let’s face it 2020 hasn’t been an easy year for any of us! A global pandemic and lockdown hit us in March and the world seemed to grind to a stop.
I doubled down hard on work. I didn’t know what else to do. I focused all of my energy on trying to keep my creative business going. I’m a commercial photographer and that’s what pays my bills. No more photoshoots were coming in and non seemed to be on the horizon during the lockdown.
So, I pivoted (another buzzword) and I tried to use as many of the skills that I’ve learnt over the years to keep the money coming in and the bills paid on time! I created an E-book of lighting techniques to sell online. I designed some websites for fellow artists. I sold art prints. I was creating pdfs of images to email out to stay in the mind of clients. I did Zoom meetings and calls and spent hours on admin and working out plans. I pushed myself hard to get the Creative Nowhere Land website up and running to keep my creativity going in some shape or form. I felt like I was being productive.
Yeah, I was stressed out and tired but who isn’t these days, so I just kept going. I kept pushing harder and harder and then… my girlfriend and I broke up, everything imploded. I hit a wall. I was done, broken-hearted and now completely burnt out!
BURNOUT + HEARTBREAK =
Well… nothing good let’s just put it that way! It hasn’t been a pretty few months and I’m not about to go into every detail but here are some of the ways that it manifested itself for me, in no particular order, they’re all pretty shitty:
SENSE OF FAILURE AND SELF DOUBT
LACK OF MOTIVATION
CYNICAL AND NEGATIVE OUTLOOK ON EVERYTHING
ANXIETY
CONSTANT FATIGUE
BUT ALSO INSOMNIA
NO APPETITE
ISOLATING AND DETACHING FROM THE WORLD
NO CREATIVITY OR WANT TO CREATE
ANGER AND FRUSTRATION
I could probably go on but let’s not! I’m not liking the picture I’m seeing of myself right now! Let’s talk about what I did and what I’m still doing to pull myself out of this melancholy.
RESETING AND REIGNITING THE FIRE!
This will be different for everyone and I’m fully aware that the broken heart is much more complex to deal with than the burnout but here are some of the things that I’m doing to try and find some level ground again. If you’re going through something similar then maybe they might work for you too.
STOP.
Seriously, just stop! It’s so hard to do but sometimes we all need a reset or restart.
For what feels like the first time in 20 years I really stopped! I was exhausted and there was too much going on in my mind to sort it all out. So I didn’t really have much choice in the matter. Getting my head clearer and my health back had to be the focus.
FOCUS ON THE BASICS - EAT BETTER, SLEEP BETTER AND EXERCISE.
I tried to eat better, get some sort of regular sleep and regular exercise. It sounds simple but I hadn’t been doing any of it and I’d lost weight, my body clock was all over the place and I hadn’t been exercising at all really.
I was eating crap food and not looking after myself at all so I made sure I started to eat healthier again and put some decent food with actual nutrients into my body. It took a while to get my sleeping patterns back in some sort of check. Lots of late nights and early alarms but I had to be strict with myself. And talking of being strict, every morning when I woke up I forced myself to workout.
Exercise and working out has always been a way for me to release some endorphins and focus so it felt good to be back doing something that I knew was good for me and my health. It was much harder during lockdown but now the gym is back open I’ve found more of a routine and it’s been a lifesaver.
REACH OUT.
To your family, friends or professionals who are trained to help you. Life is hard at the best of times but sometimes getting an outside perspective or even just someone to listen can be life-saving.
This was one was hugely important to me. I’m not used to being the person with problems so I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t found it the easiest to reach out to people. Even my closest friends. Call it pride or ego but both will be my downfall if I think I can fix this alone. I’d become so detached. I thought my problems and burnout were just going to be a burden for other people to hear. But, I’m very lucky to have people around me who persist and keep reaching out to me even when I’m in a dark place. If it wasn’t for these people I’m not sure where I’d be right now so thank you and please reach out to someone if you’re reading this and feeling a bit lost.
AVOID SOCIAL MEDIA/NEWS.
There’s so much craziness and negative stuff going on in the world that we’re bombarded with 24 hours a day. I didn’t want to see it anymore whether that was on the news or through social media. So I switched it all off. I needed a break from it all to focus on the problems directly in front of me. Mainstream media and social media has a massive effect on our mental health whether we like it or not so it has done wonders for me not being anywhere near it for a while maybe it will do the same for you?
GO OUTSIDE.
Get some fresh air and get into nature. This seems so simple but it’ll help I promise.
I got outside. I walked a lot! I found myself walking for miles often with no particular direction, just to be outside and away from distractions. I’m really lucky to live in a place that you can walk for 10 minutes in any direction and you are in the countryside with fields and woodland etc. There’s something special about being nature that’s really calming. It was like a form of meditation for me. A chance to clear my head a little and try to process some of the stuff that was whirling around inside my brain.
WRITE.
This might not be for everyone. Sometimes processing my thoughts isn’t the easiest, even with all of the walking. So, writing turned into another really cathartic experience for me. Putting my thoughts down onto paper got them out of my head even if it was temporarily.
This wasn’t about being creative it was about trying to understand how I’d got to this point, my break up and all of the emotions that were struggling to come out. In the process though there have been some pieces of writing that maybe will inspire something interesting, if not a little dark in the future.
READ.
For me, reading is an escape and makes me feel better like I’m doing something productive with my time. I go through stages where I read a lot and then others where I might not pick up a book in six months. I hadn’t read anything in a long time and it just seemed easier to sit in front of a screen and watch shit on Netflix than get into the hard work of actually reading. But, I decided to force myself to read a book, just one book. Then one book turned into two and then three... You get the picture. I actually managed to finish a whole book in a day which was a first for me. I was reading to escape but in the process learning new things and slowly feeling some inspiration coming back to me.
SET SOME NEW GOALS.
You have to decide what your goals are to help you move forward.
I’d lost a lot of my purpose. Not only in myself but also in my work and I needed to get some of that back. So I began setting myself goals for the day and the week ahead to try and get back into the mentality of moving forward. It’s an important process for me that I always used to do but stopped when I burnt out.
Some days they might be small goals and other days, bigger goals but at the end of the day, I‘ve always accomplished something. It doesn't sound like a big deal to most of you reading this probably but when you’re burnt out and suffering some days even getting out of bed can be tough. So if you’re reading this and going through something that you’re struggling with, be proud of your accomplishments even the small ones and little by little the small goals grow and help you achieve the bigger ones I hope.
CREATE.
Another one that might not be for everyone but as someone that makes his living in the creative world, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to get back to creating again. After what felt like a long time I’ve started to feel more inspired as a result of some of the things I’d been doing so I decided to get the camera out and started working on a few ideas.
I set up a couple of still life shoots in my home studio and began experimenting a little. It felt good to be shooting again and trying ideas and lighting. Just to be creating feels good. And I even managed to create the title image for this blog post. It’s coming back slowly and I’ve got a new sketchbook. I love a new sketchbook. All I’ve got to do now is fill it with ideas.
BE PATIENT.
Every case of burn out is different. You have to allow yourself the time to build back up and heal from whatever it is you’re going through. I’m impatient and want a lot of the feelings I have somedays to just disappear so I can just get on with things. But I also accept that some days are better than others and I’m continuing to work hard to get back on form. Whatever you’re going through be patient with yourself.
BURNOUT IS SH*T
Conclusion…. I could just leave it there. That’s the conclusion. It’s shit! Really shit and coupled with heartbreak it’s even worse I can assure you. That’s something that I know’s going to take me a lot longer to deal with and I can only hope that I can resolve that in myself and in my creative outlets in some shape or form moving forward. I can feel myself improving day by day, little by little though and that’s what counts right?
Look, I know this has been pretty specific to me and my situation but perhaps some of the things that I’ve done or suggested might help if you’re going through anything vaguely similar? The most important ones are to focus on the basics and to reach out to people if you’re struggling. I mean it! Eat well and keep your strength up and if you don’t feel like you have anyone to speak to about things then there are a number of groups that might be able to help or at least listen. Please don’t go through tough times alone and hopefully, with some help and some focus you will start to feel more positive soon.
Mind
Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)
Website: www.mind.org.uk
CALM
CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
Samaritans
Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Phone: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)
Website: www.samaritans.org.uk
Thanks for reading this until the end it’s been a strange one to write as I feel pretty vulnerable and exposed by saying a lot of this stuff but in saying it perhaps someone else struggling might take something away from it all. I’m getting more positive by the day and hope to show you some of the things that I’ve been creating soon. Thanks for your support and I hope someone has found this useful.